Back To Haunt Me...

Hey..
Today is my day of minature and meaningless depressions..
Just an ordinary Saturday afternoon, surfing the net and talking to friends.
But this one old problem keeps haunting me and coming and going as if testing my emotions.
It's the Cassie problem..
It's as if the conversation and the promise to talk more personally never occured.


I can't help but think it's only her, I know its mean and I'm probably part of the problem but every time I try to talk to her personally she replys with a meaningless answer and changes the subject. I even came to the stage where I asked her about it but she simply said:

"What are you talking about?"



And being the kind of person I am I backed out. I just said

"Nevermind"


I'm not sure whats going on between us anymore.


Also:

There is a girl in our class called Lexia.
Recently there was a fight between me, Emily, Cassie, Lexia and Matt (Matt = Emily's boyfriend)

The thing is..Lexia doesn't approve of Matt and Emily and thinks they shouldn't like eachother so when they decided to date, they made Cassie and I promise not to tell Lexia. We thought it wouldn't be a big deal and that aslong as Lexia didn't ask about it we would never have to lie about it but just so something could go wrong, she asked us straight up if they were going out. I looked at Cassie who was standing next to me to see what she would say and she said:

"No way!"

Then Lexia looked at me, I didn't know what to say. So I lied too.
Then recently Lexia found out about Matt and Emily and how we had lied and got really mad and said that she could never trusts us again and all her friends had abbandoned her.
But only one day later, Cassies MSN name changed..it now says:

Cassie LOVES Lexia!!

But thats not all, Lexias name now says:

Lexia LOVES Cassie!!

And as stupid as it sounds, I got jealous. I mean, just yesterday they hated eachother and now they are best friends. But Cassie and I have never had a fight but she chooses to ignore me and I know its stupid but I can't help it.

I am expecting discrimination but it's how I feel...I keep having feelings like "What is wrong with me?"
I'm starting to discover that in most peoples eyes..I'm second best. I'm not saying that we hvae to be put in order from most important or anything its just that I think we shoud be equal but I never feel like that anymore. its like I have to impress them to earn their approval all the time or something.

Any ideas, advice or feedback would be highly appreciated even if your just commented to say I'm paranoid.

Kimmiixox